The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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