"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
