FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
