Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
