I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
