i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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