And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
