it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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