like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
