Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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