I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
