why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
