yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
false alarm, still single
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
