A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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