All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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