Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize