woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
