she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My penis needs a shock collar
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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