Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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