Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize