Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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