dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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