I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
