So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
