oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
