omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
