Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
tell me about the fingering
Randomize