think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
