your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
