so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His hands were made for my vagina.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
