We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
