are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
