I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
