is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
where are my eyebrows?
His nipple licking is glorious
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