Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
