If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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