whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
