the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
