True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
