I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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