What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
