dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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