dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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