I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
