CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
