The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
