"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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