so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize