I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
