so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
