i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
