Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
