I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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