I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize