hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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