I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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