I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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