I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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