I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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