We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
