he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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