ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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