So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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