I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dignity is for republicans.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize