By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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