I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
