you guys were way drunker than both of me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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