i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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