Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
