He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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