why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize