giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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