Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
