she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
