Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
