Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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