i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
