Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
