I got chris browned last night
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
