mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
