I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
