Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
