I look better un-naked...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i now understand why vodka
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
