I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Barsexuality is the new black.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
