just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
