so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
