My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
