I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize