If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize