i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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