she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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