the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
