We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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