just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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