True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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