I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
