how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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