i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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