hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
