Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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