Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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