Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
